Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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