I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize