How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
