He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
