Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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