Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
