The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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