I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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