Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
