I wish i was in the wii world.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
