fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
