also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
