Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
