I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
and eventually we just all took our pants off
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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