if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
not ubering you a puppy
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