there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Randomize
