If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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