I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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