I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
