Plan B is the new Plan A
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
