Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think your dad took our porno
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I have already put on my inside pants.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
