he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
