Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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