She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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