your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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