mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize