omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
