ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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