And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
