I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
