it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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