So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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