im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
