we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
