it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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