There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
