how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
