Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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