Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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