ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
