We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
