he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
