I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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