he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
