Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
