Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
