Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
