I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
