my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
