It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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