The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize