i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize