Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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