ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
