you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We left the knife in your bed.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
