I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
