giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize