The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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