go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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