we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
