I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
