Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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