i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
