Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
