you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
