He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
