My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize