I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
