Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
