I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Pooping to opera.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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