I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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