I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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