I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
