Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
