Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you inspire me to be a worse person
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You dont lie about slip and slides
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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