That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
