we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
