I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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