I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
