check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Duck Duck Cougar?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
