Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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