I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
