hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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