The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
