oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize