Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
His nipple licking is glorious
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