that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
